For the most part, my life is totally normal.
总体来说 我的人生很平常
- Happy birthday. - No!
-生日快乐 -不是吧
My dad was the annoyingly handsome quarterback
我爸是帅气逼人的四分卫
who married the hot valedictorian.
他娶了性感的毕业生代表
And, no, they didn't peak in high school.
高中还不是他们的人生巅峰
I have a sister I actually like.
我有个我挺喜欢的妹妹
Not that I'd ever tell her that.
但我不会告诉她
and 200 episodes of Chopped ago...
在看完两百集《厨艺大战》前
she decided she wanted to be a chef.
她决定要当厨师
Which means we're pretty much all her test subjects now.
于是我们都成为了她的实验对象
Is it spicy, Jack?
很辣吗 杰克
Gracious. Oh, my gosh.
天啊 妈呀
And then there's my friends.
然后是我们的朋友们
Two of them, I've known since pretty much the beginning of time.
其中两个我从盘古开天辟地开始就认识了
- Or at least kindergarten. - No. No.
-或是至少从幼儿园开始 -不 不
- Oh! Sorry! - Okay. How 'bout that?
-对不起 -看招
One of them, I just met a few months ago,
还有一个 我只认识了几个月
but it feels like I've known her forever.
不过我感觉已经认识她一辈子了
We do everything friends do.
我们做朋友会一起做的事
We drink way too much iced coffee,
喝超多冰咖啡
watch bad '90s movies and hang out at Waffle House
看九零年代的烂片 在松饼屋消磨时间
dreaming of college and gorging on carbs.
一边梦想大学时光 一边狂吃
I have a totally, perfectly normal life.
我的人生再平常不过
Except I have one huge-ass secret.
除了我有一个大秘密
I didn't realize you were masturbating.
我不知道你在打飞机
Your sister's downstairs making some
你妹妹在楼下
la-di-da pancake thing she saw on Top Chef,
做从《顶级大厨》学来的花哨薄煎饼
so we should probably go eat that.
我们最好捧场去吃一下
Great. I'll be down in just a second.
很好 我马上就下去
Okay. Right after you finish searching the internet for...
好的 等你在网上搜完...
lingerie photos of Gigi Habib?
名模吉吉·哈逼波的内衣照
Right. I didn't realize she was your girlfriend.
对哦 我都不知道她是你女朋友
All right, finish up here.
好了 快弄完
- Morning, guys. - Simon, have a seat, honey.
-大家早 -西蒙 快坐下
- Morning, Simon. - You gotta eat your breakfast.
-早安 西蒙 -你得吃早餐
Please don't tell me
拜托你别说
that breakfast is the most important meal of the day
早餐是一天中最重要的一餐
because that is just so cliche. You're better than that.
实在太老套了 你可没这么俗
I was gonna say breakfast lowers LDL cholesterol
我是要说早餐可以降低胆固醇
and prevents fluctuating glucose levels
避免血糖水平波动
that lead to type two diabetes.
预防2型糖尿病
Nora. These are incredible.
诺拉 这些太好吃了
Cornmeal pancakes with blackberry compote.
玉米粉博煎饼配黑莓蜜饯
But they're not crumbly enough.
但还不够松脆
Stop it. They're perfect.
别这样 已经很完美了
- See you, guys. - See you, Simon.
-再见了 -再见 西蒙
Hey, honey. Be back by seven! It's TV night.
儿子 七点前回来 今晚一起看电视
It's Simon! I live right here!
我是西蒙 我住在这
I like your boots!
我喜欢你的靴子
Had the craziest dream last night.
我昨晚做了个超疯狂的梦
Hey, Nick, you have the craziest dream every night.
尼克 你每晚都做超疯狂的梦
You don't understand. I'm in this cave, right?
你不懂 我在一个山洞里
Or maybe it's in outer space.
也可能是在外太空
David Beckham is there with these two contact lenses
大卫·贝克汉姆也在 他拿着两副隐形眼镜
and then like, blue one or red one,
问我要蓝色的还是红色的
like he's a sexy Morpheus from Matrix.
仿佛他是《黑客帝国》里的性感睡神
And I don't know which one to pick.
我不知道该选哪副
I don't know what to do with these things.
我不知道要拿来干嘛
Oh, my God. Have you guys seen Creek Secrets today?
天啊 你们今天看溪木镇树洞了吗
First of all, you are obsessed with that blog, so...
首先 你太沉迷那个博客了
Okay, but apparently, Becca Peterson
好吧 不过据说贝卡·彼得森
got caught giving Ryan O'Donovan an HJ in the pool.
被撞见在泳池帮瑞恩·奥多诺万撸管
That's the real reason they drained it.
这才是他们把池水排掉的真正原因
Man, our janitor needs a raise.
学校的清洁工需要涨工资
- Oh, my God. - And an HPV vaccine.
-我的天啊 -还需要打宫颈癌疫苗
Leah, I have this dream, right?
莉亚 我做了个梦
Nick, we have a rule, remember?
尼克 我不是说好了吗
No analyzing dreams before coffee.
喝了咖啡才准你分析梦境
Hi, could we get four iced coffees, please?
你好 四杯冰咖啡 谢谢
Oh, could you get Abby's with milk? She likes milk.
艾比那杯要加奶 她喜欢牛奶
- One with milk. - What are you, her barista?
-一杯加奶 -怎么 你是她的咖啡师吗
It's not hard to remember "with milk."
"加奶"又不难记住
Oh, thank you. I am figuratively dying.
谢谢你 我快死了
So, Abby, last night I dreamt
艾比 我昨晚梦见
I put the wrong contacts in my eyes.
我放错隐形眼镜到眼睛里了
Another dream. You're like...
又做梦了 你...
You're like the love child of Sigmund Freud and Cristiano Ronaldo.
你简直是弗洛伊德和球星C罗的私生子
- Oh, my God. - Thanks.
-天啊 -谢谢夸奖
Now, look. I can't see anything
在梦里 我什么都看不见
and I'm stumbling around in this cave,
在山洞里跌跌撞撞
crashing into stuff, and then, I wake up.
撞到东西上 然后我就醒了
- That's it? - Yeah.
-就这样 -嗯
Maybe it's something that you're not seeing clearly.
也许是因为现实中有些事你看不清
Like something that's, like, right in front of your face.
比如就在你面前的事
What am I not seeing?
我看不清什么
